Engagement Party and etc.

I have mentioned in past blogs about asking conversation club members to take our camera and take interesting photos. The photos above were taken by Gunay. She went to her family’s home village for an engagement party. When a couple becomes engaged there is a party. The photos show the future bride, the future groom arriving at his intended’s home, the couple together, seated at their place of honor and a photo with friends and family is always desired.

This from our language and culture coordinator about the cultural rituals involved to engagement:

Prior to Courtship
Under the custom the first to come to the girl's house are two women - the groom's mother and one of his close relatives. As soon as the women come to agreement about the marriage, it is time for the heads of the families to meet. The groom's father comes to the bride's house with three respected people; who can be relatives or friends of the family. Together the group tries to communicate their intentions. The girl's father does not give his consent at first. He should talk this over with his daughter. When the girl is asked she keeps silent. It is the sign of her consent. If she should not consent, she will usually talk to her mother, rather than speaking directly to her father. However, the final consent is not yet given. It is given only after a brief courtship.

Courtship
The father of the groom invites his close relatives to his house. Together they come to common decision on the engagement. Then the female relatives of the groom meet the future bride and find out about decision. Then they inform her mother on the engagement date. The bride and her family have a meeting. The matchmakers (relatives, friends and/or neighbors) come together on the appointed day. If the girl is against this marriage they get a refusal. If she isn't, they take some time to consider it.

After a while the relatives of the groom come to the girl's home again. This time the girl's family gives their consent. On day of the decision the matchmakers come to the bride's house. They are invited to sit on the best seats at the table. The girl's relatives are present too, but the bride and her mother are not - on this day the bride has to stay away. The father of the groom asks one more time for the girl's family’s answer. "Let Allah bless them", - they answer. Everyone sitting at the table then says, "Amen." Then the new relatives congratulate each other. The sister of the girl brings in tea. Sometime dinner is served. After the matchmakers have left the sisters of the bride go to the bride congratulate her and take her back home.

Engagement
Within a month the relatives of the groom should come to the girl's house for engagement ceremony. On this day 25-30 people gather together: the bride's friends, her peers. They all sit down around the bride. Then the relatives of the groom come bringing a ring, a kerchief and sweets. The sister of the groom, her brother, sister-in-law or the father put a ring on the bride's finger, cover her shoulders with the kerchief, then they treat the bride with one half of the sweets; the other half they give to the groom. Then the feast begins. As soon as the groom's family has left then it is time for the hen-party. The bride then in turn puts her right hand on the head of each of her unmarried friends, letting them try on her ring. It is said that the girl who is the first to try the ring will be the next one to get married. Then the bride's friends leave, carrying away the sweets.

A couple can be engaged for any period of time, and if a death occurs in a family, then a wedding will not take place during the year following the death.

Our Life Last Week
Last Saturday Linda and I were invited to a home where friends gather and sing choruses, share concerns, pray, and study the Bible. We arrived at 7:00 and others around 8:00, and we left at 10:00 p.m. There were two other couples, one couple’s son, his aunt and ourselves. The aunt played the guitar, provided words to choruses, selected the music, and lead in the study. Their concerns are much like any family in the world, jobs, health, well-being of family and friends. We asked them to remember our family and friends in the United States and especially our sons. It is comforting and inspiring to spend time with these dear brothers and sisters of faith.
The aunt shared that some people come only after dark in order to avoid attention from neighbors. In fact by coincidence when we left the meeting to go home, we stepped into the street and a young man had the headlights of a truck turned on so we could see. The young man we had met before and asked what we were doing there? We responded, “visiting friends” – to avoid any difficulties for the family.
Religious freedom is promoted officially, but organizations require registration. In my conversations at the library we often speak about religious cultures and beliefs.

This week Linda has been ill, but is recovering in time for us to host 2 Peace Corps future volunteers who have begun training. They arrived in Azerbaijan about 2 weeks ago. We are to answer any questions and share with them what Peace Corps life and work in Azerbaijan is like. We will share more about them next week.