Wedding Pictures

This is the second blog about weddings – “Toy”, and will no doubt be the last. The first wedding blog was Linda’s comments on the one she attended without me. This wedding we both attended. It was for the daughter of one of the men who works at the Central Library, so it was all my coworkers in attendance.
Linda’s wedding was a combined wedding – that is just one for both the bride and groom. This wedding was the first of two such events for the same couple. The Bride’s wedding is given by the family of the bride, and the bride may choose any color she desires for her dress. At the Groom’s wedding, the bride wears the traditional white. Most brides rent their dresses for the day, and the men wear their best suits, maybe even a new suit. Customs change with times and economic conditions, so many more couples are going with a combined wedding rather than the traditional two.
Another interesting custom is that the wedding can cost up to a year’s salary, so everyone contributes to the cost of the wedding. The closer the relationship to the bride and groom’s family, the higher the contribution. There is a cashier by the entrance, and a person can pay anytime during the event. If you are friends – 20 AZN, good friends 30 AZN, close friends 50 AZN, extremely close family, 100 AZN. The average cost of the wedding is about 25 AZN per person, and at this wedding there were about 350 people. A teacher makes 250 AZN per month.
The wedding is eating and dancing and lasts about 4 hours. The men sit on one side, the women at the other. There is alcohol for the men, and none for the women. Really rather boring if you do not speak Azerbaijani well. The highlight for Linda and me was that men and women started dancing together the last 30 minutes or so. Linda and I did a little slow dance, and one swing number. – The first time we’ve danced together since being in Azerbaijan – It was fun.
In the first wedding, Linda did not have our camera, but I took about 40 pictures at the second. Many people would ask me to take their picture even though I didn’t know them, and they would never get a copy.
I used my pictures in my Conversation Clubs (CC) to ask questions about the culture and to get the participants to describe the events in English. I finished by having the CC choose which 5 pictures I would post on the blog. So, the pictures above are of the bride and groom dancing, Linda and I with 2 guests, the bride and groom table, cutting the cake, and the final dance “Yalli” which is done holding hands and moving in a circle to symbolize unity. A picture that one CC included and the others did not was when the Plov (rice) was brought to the couple’s table it is carried by a man in traditional costume and escorted by torch bearers – I thought was an interesting picture also, but the most votes win – the blog pictures were an illustration of democracy in action.
So, my first question to my Conversation Clubs was when is the couple actually a husband and wife. If, God forbid, the bride or groom died between the 2 weddings are they married? The answer is no. There is a legal contract, much like our wedding license and registering the license which when it is signed, they are married. The signing is a big ceremony and often done at the groom’s wedding.
In Azerbaijan a woman cannot legally marry before the age of 18, but in the more conservative villages and cities where the culture is still father dominated, a marriage may be arranged for a daughter as young as 13. When that happens, there are no contracts signed, and the woman may never have legal rites if the husband ever mistreats or divorces her. Basically the laws are in place, but still parts of the country still are guided by a more ancient tradition. I used the opportunity to speak about women’s rights and how important the contract was.
Many of the marriages are still arranged. A boy’s family will ask the girl’s family about marriage and make the commitment. The boy then presents a ring to the girl in a ceremony, and the wedding is some time in the future. So my question was, what if they don’t like each other? Usually the bride and groom know and approve of the wedding. However, the social opportunities are very limited for a man and woman to date or get to know each other. Therefore, many people only socialize with their family members and a marriage between cousins and relatives is quite common.
Azerbaijanis will say to us they do not have divorce. We note many unhappy marriages or marriages just for the sake of having children.
If you have any question concerning marriage traditions or customs, please leave a comment.

Lastly, we have been here 8 months now, and Azerbaijani friends will ask us if we miss the United States. We always respond that we miss our family and friends. We do get homesick. Recently Linda was working with classes on the national anthem of Azerbaijan. Every student could sing the national anthem, every verse, every word with pride and vigor. Then they asked about the US national anthem. Linda sang the Star Spangled Banner and became very emotional. She tried to explain how much we love our country and family, but words were inadequate. Note: the students have learned the Star Spangled Banner also.
I find myself getting homesick when I read. I will be reading a mystery for entertainment, and there will be a scene in a restaurant or social setting. Sometimes those scenes make me long to be back in the good ol’ U.S.A.